Possessing requisite competency is the key to success in any job. But one seldom expects these competencies to change very rapidly, especially with the shift in economic scenario. Not too long ago communication with employees at large and conversations with employees at individual level revolved
around growth, expansion and diversification. All these have changed in last one year. With many organisations facing the inevitable reality of taking hard decisions a competency, rarely sought after earlier, has now become a business imperative. The competency of having difficult conversations with employees.

In many organisations managers are faced with the challenge of maintaining productivity and morale while meeting seemingly impossible business goals with reduced resources. Whether the topic is delivering difficult news, giving tough performance feedback, or change in a policy, large numbers of managers feel reluctant about having that ‘difficult conversation’ with peers or employees.

Conversations become tough when employees feel threatened with the possible outcome of the conversation or when perception varies and also when emotions are high. In all such circumstances, an
inevitable conflict occurs. Thus handling all such conversations sensitively calls for a set of competency for both line as well as HR leaders.

Successfully handling difficult conversations requires considerable amount of planning. It calls for analysing the situation from both, organisational as well as individual perspectives and understanding the impact on both, of the expected results at the end of that conversation.

It is therefore, important to anticipate the expected outcome from this conversation. The starting point therefore becomes articulation of the main problem itself. It is often tempting to gloss over issues or to use vague language. However, it is critical to be clear and candid about the main issue or
problem. And the staring point in such preparation is gathering of facts and data rather than rely on assumptions. Effective managers rely on gathering or alternatively verifying these facts directly rather than depend upon indirect sources of information. At the time of conversation, this helps considerably in conveying the message with conviction and increases its effectiveness many folds.

Many managers go off the track while conducting a difficult conversation when they describe a situation or an issue in a generic term or assign a label instead of speaking objectively about the situation. For example - ‘You are not a team player…’; ‘You do not have a sense of urgency…’ Without specific details, comments like ‘more of a team player’, ‘more service oriented’ or ’show more initiative’ mean nothing to the concerned employee. On the contrary the employee feels highly defensive. Labels without supporting evidence or examples leave employee feeling helpless about
making changes because they do not comprehend what changes are being expected from them or even what the problem is, or what needs to be different. A manager therefore needs to gather specific
facts, observations, and behaviours that needs to be addressed and also illustrations of what impact the current situation is having on the organisation. Asking employees to change their attitudes or thinking is ambiguous. Pointing out to the employee what behaviours need to change and why is specific and measurable.

One of the most important requisite of conducting a difficult conversation is the ability to listen actively. When employees feel heard, their minds are open and they are ready to hear what the manager has to say. Many managers are too eager in such a situation to express their viewpoint and
start justifying the same thinking that it will convince the employees better. They try and persuade the employee to accept their viewpoint. The truth is employees can not or will not listen when what they need is to talk. An interactive session interspersed with silence, for reflection, is the ideal situation that a manager should strive for. This is not a selling game. It is an exercise to convey
facts and ensuring that desired results are achieved.

Douglas Stone in his book “Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most” puts it simply in stating that there are three deeper conversations in any difficult conversation. The ‘what happened?’ conversation usually involves disagreement over what happened, ‘what should happen?’
and ‘who is accountable?’ Stone identifies common errors that people make in these sorts of conversations. The key to having effective, productive conversations is to recognize the presence of these deeper conversations, avoid the common errors, and turn difficult conversations into learning
conversations. Most conversations fail because people begin by describing the problem from their own perspective, which implies a judgment about the other person and thus elicits a defensive response.
Instead, what works better is to start conversations from the perspective of a third party that describes or at least acknowledges the difference between the conversing partners from a neutral term. An effective difficult conversation starts with an invitation to join in a dialogue seeking mutual
understanding or joint problem solving and without compromising the dignity of the individuals.

Managers need to keep in mind that in a situation of conflict it is always safer to aim for improving the situation and not focus only on identifying problems. Simply identifying problems - highlighting what is not working - is only part of an issue. More important is to identify solutions to tackle those problems.

A manager who embarks on a difficult conversation, with the intent to win at the other person’s expense risks further conflict and loss of credibility. In contrast, an approach that takes into consideration a joint exploration of what could be a pragmatic solution yields better results. Such an
approach may take more time but is more enduring and sustainable.

In a difficult conversation, one may be tempted to spend energy telling. Telling the other person what they did wrong. Telling them what impact it created. Telling them what you would like them to do differently. While some of this may be important for them to hear, it is an error to begin with this
approach. The concerned employee may have lot to tell and if the dialogue is not balanced, it is likely to be ineffective. One has to also recognise role of emotion in such a dialogue. All difficult conversations tend to have a high degree of emotions. As long as a manager is careful not to let emotion overrun reason, the conversation will stay on the right track.

Effective communication skills are arguably among the most important traits a manager can possess. From empathetic understanding to assertive delegation, a manager must adopt the whole arsenal of
communication techniques to elicit the best performance from their team. Giving consistent, honest feedback and having difficult conversations at work is one of the most challenging tasks of the leader’s role. Many managers avoid difficult conversations with employees, hoping that the problem will
solve itself but in that manner, the problem only gets worse.

It makes good business sense and also enhances transparency in a system if a respectful yet effective difficult conversation is held in a timely manner. Avoiding difficult conversations is only postponing the pain not curing the illness.

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